sunday

today was one of my favorite sundays in a very long time.  aside from falling asleep and missing the much anticipated quatro de mayo margarita madness...  it was a good day.

so for anybody who doesnt know, which would be the lot of ya, i spent the last 5 days in the hospital.  i started having weird chest pains.  the first time, it wasnt for long so it just seemed like a fluke.  then withing the next week it would randomly come back but each time for a longer period than the last.   thursday night it happened so i decided to go into the emergency room so i could get this crap taken care of.  i already knew i had high blood pressure, and due to my stupidity i did not take care of myself like i should have after receiving such news.  so they tell me my BP is way too high, and id have to be admitted so they can stabilize me and figure this whole situation out.  so i also knew i had a sleeping disorder called sleep apnea, and those of you who know me well enough know i have it.  its when i sleep at night i stop breathing so my heart and my brain dont get much needed oxygen, not to mention it interupts my sleep so i dont get a completely restfull sleep EVER.  long story short the doc wasnt being straight up with me, neither was anybody else.  i was supposed to come home saturday, then sunday, then monday, then finally today i took manners into my own hands, and made the decision to leave.  not to be worried i will be fine, my life as of now has and will be changed forever.  i now know for sure i am diabetic, i have high blood pressure, and sleep apnea.  the combination of which (going untreated) is highly dangerous.  so now im on meds, i sleep with a machine on my face, and i have worked out a diet and workout schedule for myself which i am going to stick to, or my quality of life will suffer greatly.  its good, its a wakeup call.  its high time i loose this extra persons worth of weight connected to me.  i need health, i need support.  so if you se me drinking a soda, kill me.  if you see me eating poorly, shoot me between the eyes.

up and up

so my hairs are growing out again.  my beard is coming back in.  im going to make my own clothes here soon, i smile for no reason.  things are looking up!  

"talking all about a second and third, when i havent understood the first"

so many dreams as of late have been weird to me.  you know when you hook up with quite random people, but in the dream it seems like total and complete utter bliss?!  like to hear it, here it goes...

there are a few girls ive met in the past few months, none of which im truly interested in.  that doesnt seem to keep them from being in my dreams.  i mean, i have the dream, it seems soo vivid that i start to think that maybe for some reason i do like this person as more than a friend.  maybe, just maybe i should pursue something, maybe something really is there, maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, somewhere where i have no conscious connection to my daily awakeness i do really like them.  so i second guess myself, my feelings, and my actions. sometimes i wish dreams just mirrored real life, not some illusionary one where my sub conscious and my conscious minds meet nowhere in between.  symbolism, perhaps.  but who needs symbols in their dreams when i cant figure out things when theyre presented to me in real life in the first place.  

"talking all about a second and third, when i havent understood the first (mewithoutyou)"  

  so lets get a jump on making life a bit simpler for me please.  no more symbols, no more messing with my head.  please subconscious, communicate with the conscious before you decide to make decisions of your own accord.  i dont think thats asking too much, is it?  nope, its just right!

ooh hayley williams...

...ooooooh hayley williams!

i want to just put you in my pocket and take you everywhere i go.  you have become the woman of my dreams, quite literally.  you and your super petit splendor, in my dreams in the last week or so,  have been there in multiple capacities.  my friend, the object of my affection, the mother of my children, my favoritest person, my BFF, my confidant, may all, my everything.  thank you for being a source of entertainment and nocturnal bliss.

sincerely,

garen russell the love muscle.

SON OF RAMBOW

this movie looks absolutely brilliant!  son of rambow.  come watch and laugh along with me!

zooey can you hear me?

just so you know, im practically in love with zooey deschanel.  i think she is a brilliant actress, she has style enough to share with the masses, a gorgeous voice that mels me every time, not to mention she is beautiful beyond belief, and quirky, which if your taking notes, is hiiiighly attractive to me.  she stands out and above in the fake ness of the hollywood crowd. and zooey, if your perchance reading this, come let us dance like children of the night.  

and on a slightly different note, its a another week come and gone.  my brother is adjusting just fine to regular life.  i received a new calling as a teacher in priesthood, the only block of church i have yet to teach in this ward.  but im excited.  i love teaching, and im especially excited to teach in this capacity.  my brother grant is getting married in a couple weeks, which is sort of surreal.  all the younger ones are getting married out from beneath me.  not a complaint (though it slightly is), rather more of an observation.  this is such a random jumble of thoughts, so if your lost or if youve even gotten this far, heres a cookie, you deserve it.  but life in general is great aside from my underpaying job. school is challenging, yet enjoyable.  im making new friends who i like.  im not as hermit like as i have been in the past year or so. all in all, things are looking up, and im going to make sure they keep on in the same direction.  i hope this weekend brings smiles happiness and laughter to me, those with me, and those not so privileged to be with me. 

peace.