new

noting thats its been quite a long time since i have last posted anything on here, i thought its about time to do so.  in the last few months life has taken a new turn for me, a fresh perspective, and harsh realities.  on july 1st i was admitted to the hospital, with what seemed to be an irregular and very fast heart rate.  over the consecutive 10 days as i lay in my hospital bed i learned of my newly developed flutter, my dilated heart, and conclusively, heart failure.  i know that heart disease is a hereditary attribute in my family, but i never thought that i, a young man of 29 would have to endure such a life altering experience.  you grow up thinking and feeling your invincible, and even though im no teenager anymore, i feel more like one, than i do a 30 year old man.  in the past month or so i have been out of the hospital i have been dealing with the reality of this.  being barely mobile at times. not being able to walkup the slightest incline for 10 yards without feeling like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. trying to stick to a strict diet of diabetes, low sodium and low fat. being on 10 different medications at once. not being able to sleep for weeks at a time. boredom like ive never known it before. and a chance to reflect, think, and grow spiritually in a capacity i havent been involved in for years. i wish there was some way to speed this all up. im trying to do what i can to recover as soon as possible, but its still very slow.  through all this, i have learned that i am in control of my life.  the decisions i make on a daily basis do in fact effect me and the lay in place the subsequent consequences.  i just have to do the right thing, regardless of my urges or appetites.  and thats what i have decided to do. the right thing. all the time. every time.