new

noting thats its been quite a long time since i have last posted anything on here, i thought its about time to do so.  in the last few months life has taken a new turn for me, a fresh perspective, and harsh realities.  on july 1st i was admitted to the hospital, with what seemed to be an irregular and very fast heart rate.  over the consecutive 10 days as i lay in my hospital bed i learned of my newly developed flutter, my dilated heart, and conclusively, heart failure.  i know that heart disease is a hereditary attribute in my family, but i never thought that i, a young man of 29 would have to endure such a life altering experience.  you grow up thinking and feeling your invincible, and even though im no teenager anymore, i feel more like one, than i do a 30 year old man.  in the past month or so i have been out of the hospital i have been dealing with the reality of this.  being barely mobile at times. not being able to walkup the slightest incline for 10 yards without feeling like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. trying to stick to a strict diet of diabetes, low sodium and low fat. being on 10 different medications at once. not being able to sleep for weeks at a time. boredom like ive never known it before. and a chance to reflect, think, and grow spiritually in a capacity i havent been involved in for years. i wish there was some way to speed this all up. im trying to do what i can to recover as soon as possible, but its still very slow.  through all this, i have learned that i am in control of my life.  the decisions i make on a daily basis do in fact effect me and the lay in place the subsequent consequences.  i just have to do the right thing, regardless of my urges or appetites.  and thats what i have decided to do. the right thing. all the time. every time.

RESOLVE

ive recently made a decision to be better. live better. do better. talk better. act better. eat better. just in general, in all ways i can fathom, to be better. i have made up my mind. i need to be the best me i can possibly be. the end.

blaaaaaaaaaah blah

yesterday i had one of those dreams. you know, one of those dreams that you wake up in the middle of but you desperately want to get back into it because it was so much fun or so vivid or just the reality you want.  why do nightmares do the exact opposite?  i can remember ever since ive had nightmares, i would wake up, and be scared.  when i would be able to calm down enough to sleep again i would be put right back where i left off, or, it would just start al over again and be more vivid and scary.  and no matter how many times i would wake up from it, every single time i would go back to sleep, it was all waiting there for me.

this is also something that applies to another aspect in life, habits.  so heres the deal.  bad habits are sooo easy to start, very hard to stop.  good habits on the other hand are very hard to start, and oh so easy to stop.  i know we all know this already and all think the same thing. why?  i dont know.  i wish i did. i wish i knew the answers to the impossible questions, but alas, i do not. so dont ask me.  

me and friends of mine have found a new affinity for a childhood game called sardines. so for you not in the know its like backwards hide and go seek.  one person hides then the rest of the group go and find the individual but when you find them, you hide with them, until the last person finds the whole group.  so were doing it at my pals house, in the pitch black night.  its mostly empty, and kinda spooky, but a lot of fun!  were going to have another go at it this sunday night.  but this time the upstairs is going to be included! OH JOY! its going to be fun, some people will no doubt hurt themselves, but its a game, collateral damage can be expected.

not my typical wednesday night

my brother jordan told me i blog about weird things.  im random. lets just get that out there.  but tonight was lovely!  first was an amazing lesson in institute, and i learned a lot personally about what i need to do to be a better missionary... followed by, build your own ice cream cookie samich at the toll house place next to the movie theater. i got one side snickerdoodle, the other side choc chip, and chocolatate ice cream.  it was delish.  then, to cap the night off, we saw coraline.  so great, pretty creepy, and theres absolutely no need for it to be 3D.  speaking of which, whats the deal with all these movies having to be 3D as of late. it doesnt enhance the experience since theres little to no exciting times that the 3D feature is utilized well.  its the same movie with a slight annoyance of having to wear these glasses over my existing glasses... dumb dumb dumb.  and i noticed all the upcoming animated movies are ALL going to be in 3D. if your going to do that, make something come out at me, make me thing a missile is going to hit me in the face, or a tiger is going to slash my face, or a zombie is going to eat my face. dont ust make it a regular movie and convert it to 3D. its not impressive. its annoying. but go see coraline, please do. its great!

CURSIVE

by faaaar, one of the best bands to ever see!!!  an amazing show full of energy, angst, and a smokin hot cellist.  if you have ever listened to the music, and even liked it a little, if your a fan of shows, if your a fan of music, i most highly suggest you take the chance to see them on their upcoming tour. theyll be here in california mid march. im going, you should be going too!!!  not to mention a very highly anticipated new full length theyre releasing on march 10th called "mama, im swollen"

gasoline

who else could look this good while just being out and pumping some gasoline... none other than the gorgeous Mila Kunis.  she just keeps getting better with age.  more and more betterer.  as a good friend of mine said recently  "shes tasty"